Wake up. School. Work. Study. Sleep. Repeat. Those are the things I have been doing for the past days. Weeks. Months. I buried Social Life and Free Time two months ago when school started. May they rest in peace.
Looking back, I wonder how I managed to keep going, keep pushing, for so long without collapsing, without giving up. Am I even human? I can say that I am tired. No, not tired, exhausted. My exhaustion reached a high when stress started to consume me from the inside out. The day when the final exam, that I was going to take the day after, was all I could think about. That day was yesterday. Yesterday was a rollercoaster. I spent the entire day studying and at one point I just became fed up with it all. I just could not do it anymore. Imagine the cortisol flowing through my veins. As a perfectionist, I cannot afford to fail a test. This newly developed indifference of mine stressed me out even more. All those days of non stop studying and stressing led up to this day, the day of the exam. I would either come back celebrating my success or crying and preparing for another round of studying for the resit. I've just come back from school, and, fortunately, those many hours of hard work and dedication paid off, for I passed the test. Words cannot express how relieved I am.
The exams are over and do you know what that means? The resurrection of Social Life and Free Time is happening! I feel like I have been neglecting my blog, which is a shame as I love reading and writing stories, but I'm hoping to change that now. Perhaps I will also be able to do something about that hideous lay-out (yes, I am aware of how ugly it looks right now). I have missed hanging out with Sam & Dean and Walter & Jesse. I am dying to experience school for the first time with Auggie (from R. J. Palacio's Wonder). And I am determined to finish Bella's 'Noobs guide to movies' before the end of this year. I promised her she would be allowed to 'hit me so hard, it'll make my ancestors dizzy' if I haven't finished it by the end of december, so I had better get to it, then.
But, first lemme take a nap.
Yours faithfully,
Morgana
Morgana, you have no idea how relatable this entire post is. This person who studies and farewells all other activities used to be me, but now I'm in a state of not caring and going through the routine over and over again - it's like I'm floating and I don't know what I'm trying to achieve. I'm just so tired and I want all my exams to be over so I, like you, will be able to freely work on all my neglected projects. Congratulations on your exam!
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The Life of Little Me
You described exactly what I'm going through! I hope you'll get your well-deserved rest soon, M. Hang in there! I know you can do it! Thank you :)
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Morgana
I know the feeling! I have so much to do now too but I need to do everything I can in order to graduate. I have to graduate, have to! I'm glad you are getting your social life back. Without sometimes you feel like your going crazy.
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right; constantly studying and working makes one feel miserable. We need to allow ourselves to just have fun every once in a while, no matter how impossible that may seem. Good luck on graduating! Just a few more months to go!
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Morgana