20.05.2015
I wanted to
cry today. I wanted to cry, sink through the ground and never come back up
again. Allow me to tell you what happened.
I’ve been
dreading this day for weeks. Ever since my teacher announced that every student
has to give a presentation in front of the whole entire class, I’ve been
dreading this day. Heck, I’ve even lost sleep because of this. Even though I’ve
always hated speaking in front of an audience, I had hope that, somehow, things
would be different this time ‘round. I had hope that, this time, things would
go well. And in the beginning it seemed like that was the case. I spent a lot
of time trying to figure out what I wanted to say and when I finally did, I
started practising. I practised in front of
a mirror. I practised in front of a small audience, consisting of my parents
and my brother. I practised. I practised. I practised until I was fed up with
it. And then came today. You can do it, Morgana! There’s nothing to be afraid
of. You’re not nervous. Just do it! And
so I went to class and waited for my turn. Ooooohh how I wish it was my turn
already! And then it finally was and I walked up to the stage. Okay, you know
your lines. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. You’ll only be speaking for about five
minutes. Don’t panic... That’s when I panicked. As soon as I faced the
audience, I forgot EVERYTHING. Errr… Errr… What was I going to say again? My
face turned as red as a tomato as I desperately searched for that first line I
had memorised. But it didn’t want to be found. I started apologising to everyone
for no reason at all and we all stared at each other as the painfully awkward
minutes ticked by. I’m gonna cry. I’m gonna freaking cry. Get me out of here!
And then the teacher came to my rescue. “Morgana, why don’t you let A speak
first, so you can get everything sorted?” “Thank you, I will.” So I waited for
my turn once more. But this time, I wasn’t even remotely as confident as I was
last time. When I started speaking, only incoherent sentences could be heard
coming out of my mouth. I can see the faces of the people in the audience in my
mind’s eye… Those faces contorted in concentration, trying to make sense of
what I was saying. I couldn’t even make sense of what I was saying. Now that
I’m looking back on this incident, I wonder what it is that scares me. Why am I
afraid to speak in front of many people? Why am I not scared when I’m talking
to a single person? Is this my insecurity presenting itself? My
self-consciousness? Do I care that much about what people think of me? Will I
ever be able to shake my fears and insecurities off? It didn’t happen this
time, but one day I will overcome my fear of public speaking.
This
diary entry is as true today as it was on that horrible day in May. I think my
fear of public speaking has actually got worse since that day. I’ve been
looking for tips on how to be more confident when speaking in front of an
audience. I once saw on Ned’s
declassified that it could help if one pictures the audience in their
underwear. This is definitely not true for me. Every time I intend to picture
them in their underwear, I panic and I forget to picture them in their
underwear. I’ve also been told to not look directly into people’s eyes, but
when I do this, I get remarks about it. One thing that I’ve learnt, is that I
should never pre-write my text and memorise it. If I forget one line, I shut
down completely. Just one tiny little mistake in the structure of a pre-written
sentence and I get the whole thing mixed up.
Do
you recognise yourself in any of this? What do you do to keep yourself calm before
and during a presentation? And how do you manage to gain enough confidence to
stand in front of an audience and speak?
I’ve
got a long road ahead of me, but if I try my best I’m certain that one day, I
will overcome my fear of public speaking.
Yours
faithfully,
Morgana
I definitely have the same fear of public speaking since I was young. I really hated it because I felt like I sounded dumb to the audience! But, as time goes by, I set my mind to NOT fear public speaking.
ReplyDeleteIt was hard, and I can't say I've completely overcame this fear but currently, I can manage to speak my thoughts more confidently than before.
Here's what I do.. I volunteer myself to speak in front during classes. It was like my practice. Then, when I'm about to speak in front of a larger audience, I think, "Duh, Yanni, they're just people. Like you. What are you so afraid of?" Also, I try to focus more on my speech instead of the audience. Sometimes, I challenge myself to look at some people in the eye while speaking. It can be quite uncomfortable but as you practice everytime you go out front, it won't be that much of a deal.
I know you can do it, Morgana. :) Good luck
Yanni
DeleteI am ashamed to say that I tend to run away from speaking if I don't have to (which goes to show what a coward I am sometimes) but if I set myself to confront my fear again and again, I reckon I will be more confident. Practice makes perfect, right? I also need to get rid of my self-consciousness. If I do, I'll finally understand that I have nothing to be afraid of. I'll finally understand that giving a presentation isn't such a big deal after all. Thank you so much for the tips, Yanni! And thank you for having faith in me :)
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Morgana
I've never really been afraid of public speaking, but that's not to say I haven't gotten nervous before a speech. I guess you just need to remember that the people in the audience are going to have to give a speech too, and why would they be any better than you? They're also people who know you personally and probably won't be judging. In fact, after listening to so many presentations they're probably bored out of their minds and not even listening to what you're saying anyway. Also, don't remember all your lines, or do, but make sure you have at least some clear dot points on your palm cards. Some people I know even write out their whole speech. Reading it and looking up occasionally is still better than mumbling and forgetting lines.
ReplyDelete-M
The Life of Little Me
You're right. The other students have to give presentations, too, and they might be just as nervous as I am. Why would they think less of me? I'm probably overthinking the situation again. Next time I will also definitely pay more attention to the dot points on my palm cards. Clear dot points could be of great help if I forget my story. Thank you so much for helping me, M!
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Morgana
I can completely relate to this. I used to have the worst fear of public speaking. It was so bad that I would try to find any way to get out of presentations, like missing school and stuff. Finally, in high school I took a risk and took a public speaking class. I am not going to lie, it was terrifying. However, I soon got more comfortable speaking in front of others. Public speaking still makes me nervous, however, practice and time really helped me. Also, I always try to remember that other people are nervous too and that they do not really care so much about what I am doing and are probably more concerned about themselves.
ReplyDeleteI should take a public speaking class, too. My teacher spoke to me about it, but my fear kept me from going. I'm really glad that such a class helped you to be more confident when speaking in front of others. This motivates me even more to attend one. What I need is practice and a public speaking class can give me that. Remembering that other people are nervous too and that they don't really care that much about what I'm doing is something that I should keep in mind. There really is nothing to be afraid of. Thank you so much for the tips, Maddy!
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Morgana